I think I am hip. And I try to believe I am cool. I also try to fool myself that outside forces will not affect who and what I am. I tell myself I will blog everyday, and that I will tell the world what I am feeling. But its all a big fat lie. I am not hip and I am finding out I am seldom cool. I have often felt this past winter like a piece of old flag flapping in the wind, at the mercy of the elements and the fact that while I am a symbol, no one really cares about symbolism any longer. And I just found out I am a big bowl of mush...
I now have to admit, that I am a morning person, and that is when whatever brain function I am still allowed is the sharpest. I like watching the sun rise and love the long days of summer before and right after June 21st when the world seems infinite and embracing. I like the perception that summer is about being lazy and watching the clouds roll by, when in effect it energizes me. And I like the fact that I am so very tired from good, old fashioned hard work, that sleep seems a blessing, even if I never really sleep through the night any longer. (Blame it on hormones or worries or whatever). The further along I go in life, the more I relish and cherish these days. But the more I dread the grays of winter. So, against all my beliefs prior, I find I may be a sun seeker after all in my later years. Many thoughts swirl around in this graying noggin, (though after yesterday, I am safe in that department for another month), and they run over and around each other. Ignorance is bliss and I think with age does come wisdom, but also the knowledge that all the wisdom of age, doesn't always help in the world.
But I still like respect and cherish many of the old ways. I like men to be Gentlemen and treat women as such, all women. If more of that happened I believe we would all treat each other with greater respect. I believe in manners. I believe in opening doors for women, children and the elderly. I believe in helping out your neighbor, not just in times of greatest need, but because you know an act of generosity will be reciprocated. I like the church community. It is an important bond, no matter where you live. And I like family. I like the big family dinners that are becoming scarce. I like face to face talking, and a good old fashioned, newsy letter and if not that a good long email. I want to know what's going on with everyone and not just a tweet. Not that I tweet.....yet. And I like cooking and baking, and serving people food I have prepared. I like walking into my garden now, and hearing the birds delight in one another, a baby bunny among the poppies, (oh, if it only stayed a baby bunny), and a deer cross the field behind me. I like having a neighbor stop to chat if I am working in the front yard. And I like getting together with old, dear friends. My likes and desires may have changed some over the years, as the stages of my life have changed but the traditional things I believe will always remain in place.
And that leads me to the title of my blogs as I am now officially a Grandma. Every preconception I stubbornly hung onto, went out the window when I gazed on my new grandson, Luca. Friends that had already crossed that threshold, told me I would love it, and it was the best thing, and I just couldn't quite grasp that my life would change that abruptly, and I wasn't even sure what all the grandbaby fuss was about. I am here to tell you I was wrong and they were right. My daughter in law went into labor, three weeks early. Because she had contractions earlier, it was not a complete surprise and we were anticipating an early June arrival. This soon however, kind of threw us. Cellphone tweets to the other grandma, (I guess it does have its place), kept she and I informed how everything was progressing. It turned out to be a pretty routine delivery, though women who have given birth know there is nothing routine about it, and my grandson was a healthy 7 lbs. He had a good set of lungs as I heard him before I saw him while they were cleaning him up and we waited outside the room. A half hour later we were introduced and Luca Camillo captured my heart, saccharine as that may sound. He had a newborn's face but it seemed perfect to me, unblemished and a cupid bow for a mouth and he sighed without opening his eyes and a small smile flitted across his lips when I first held him.. I fell instantly in love. I could have watched him sleep for hours.
I tried to figure out this feeling which took me completely by surprise even though friends had warned me. I didn't remember feeling this burst of overwhelming love for my children at birth. Not that I didn't love them, but delivery was more like a "job well done", after months of carrying that heavyweight beach ball around inside me. I was happy but tired and nervous about this little person I had created and now would be my life for the next twenty years or so. Maybe I now know, that life is finite. It has an ending and in this grandson, I see that continuation of life as it will go on when I am no longer here. He re-energized me more than a perfect spring day. Priorities immediately fell into place and while I know this feeling won't last forever, it reminded me once again, I like traditional and I like being now a GRANDMOTHER, no matter what the title.
While the title of this blog is now outdated, I can look forward to being a grandma each time it presents itself and get that same rush of tremendous love every time. What a joyous thing to look forward. We are blessed. Welcome to my new grandson. May his parents have the same blessings all my children provided me.