Yesterday, I received good news, in fact, great news, considering the alternative. The best news would have been if the cancer had never been found and my friend had avoided surgery and all the worry associated with it and the threat of what might lie ahead, but the lumpectomy revealed the mass was contained and no lymph nodes removed and after a round of radiation, the prognosis is excellent. After I hung up the phone, I cried. I cried like I hadn't cried in years. Tears of gratitude for my friend, but tears of unadulterated relief. Relief that her life wouldn't be so totally upset this next year that she would miss things she could never get back, and relief that the outcome looked so good when it had been so scary just the day prior. But deeper down was the relief that someone I had come to like, and admire would still be around to laugh with me and do things as a foursome. It is a rare thing when you find another couple at our ages who seem to fit so perfectly with you and your spouse. I know it was the most selfish of thoughts, but mixed in with the feeling of gratefulness, it was there.
Today I have awakened to a snowy, cold world. While the thermometer outside my kitchen window, did not read the predicted 0 degrees, and actually was a balmy, (in comparison), 10 degrees this morning, it is still bleeping cold. And the snow is a fine, driven thing which is supposed to leave no accumulation behind, but is still there and makes wanting to do mundane Saturday things like grocery shop, something I do not look to doing with any enthusiasm. I could try foisting it off on Kurt but the months' grocery bill would be blown and I would still have to go back out for staples by mid week.
As with everything else in my life, I am late to the "party". I am late to this blogging thing. By now, kindergartners know how to blog, and I am just taking my first tentative steps. By now the link for my blog which I have sent out to family and a few friends has been read once or twice, encouraged by the ones who have actually read it, and doing their good deeds, discarded now, the link probably long forgotten. It does not really matter as I started this for myself as an outlet to write. Trouble is my best thoughts come when I am out walking far from a laptop or keyboard. It is when my thoughts bounce off of one another and bubble up so quickly, I think I will need hours to get it all down. But by the time I have returned with the dogs and unhooked them from leesh, and harnesses, thrown a few well chewed rubber toys for them, divested myself of gloves, heavy winter coat, thick scarf, hooded sweatshirt, knit hat, and finally, pulled off my lace up all weather boots, and cushy, warm wool socks, and replaced them with regular socks and indoor shoes, whatever brilliant thoughts I had that should have been put down for posterity, have long since fled. I often think I should carry around a small tape recorder, much like my foot doctor did to "talk" out my thoughts as I walk. He would record the patients prognosis and I assume his medical assistants would transcribe them. He was a pompous ass most visits so maybe he was talking for the tell-all book he would someday write, and enlighten all of us to the wonderful world of podiatry. I even bought a small, hand held recorder years ago, but never got the small tapes out of the package and inserted them in the recorder. Maybe its another resolution I need to make. This year I have actually crossed off the list several yearly resolutions that never were accomplished and just re-added to the list.
As I said, I am late to the party, and always have been. I got my first teeth late according to my mom. I retained "baby fat" long past the baby time and then was so skinny my dad called me a zipper if I stuck my tongue out. No girl wants skinny when the teenage years come calling and she just wants something up front and to be that mysterious thing called a woman. Late to that party also. Late to figure out a direction in college, though I guess I can say I went which was still something of a novelty for a female around here. As a stay at home mom, I dreamed of coming up with things to do from home. Great ideas but no incentive to see them through and dang, someone else always invented them.... I would look at the tv of the greatest time saver on infomercials and say, "I thought of that"....Too little too late.
And with my luck, the one thing I will be early at will be saying good bye to this world. The good news is its not nearly the scary propisition it might once have been, and my friend's battle and ultimate victory will remind me that it is a new day with no mistakes in it, yet, and time to go shop for those groceries...